How Can You Tell If Your Man is Gay or on the Down-Low?

Down-low is a term used mostly in the black community for when a man is secretly sleeping with men while in a relationship with a woman and does not consider himself gay or bisexual. The term down-low may have started in the black community, but it is an issue for all races to be wary of because it is a serious issue when these men put our lives in risk by having unprotected sex with other men and lead a double life with women. What we need to know is what will beg you to question if he is on the down-low or not? Is it something he said or done? Or something someone else said or maybe a situation that happened between your friend and her husband or even reading this article.

The only sure way to know that your husband may be gay or on the down-low is if you catch him in the act. Many men are so good at covering up the fact that they are having sex with other men that it is almost impossible to know why are these men so careful to not get caught with another man, or show any kind of indication that he enjoys men? Because he risks his friends and family would find out and lose all respect for him, basically he could lose everything. Many of these men are also not using protection when engaging in activities with other men and putting their lives as well as their women's lives at risk. The reason for the lack of protection is believed that it will be convincing them that what they are doing gay and wrong. There are several men who believe that they are not gay or bisexual because they are the ones doing the penetrating, but any act with another man is homosexual.

The truth is that real straight men like women, no straight man can be turned gay unless they were curious and gay to begin with, but the question is how can you tell if your man is gay or bisexual? Finding out that your man may be secretly cheating on you with men is devastating and the thought of it can cause emotional distress. The first thing to do is tell yourself not to jump to any conclusions and do not confront right away. Take a step back and analyze what makes you think that your man may be engaging in homosexual activities with other men, here signs that you may need to look for:

No sex and not turned on by you

If you are having sex and he seems uninterested and not aroused, ask him what's on his mind, could be a number of factors, but if this happens on a regular basis, then take caution. Try talking to him and ask him why he seems far away when intimate.

Spends more time with him than you

Is there a particular male friend that he likes to hang out with? There is nothing wrong with having friends, but if the ones he is always with leaves you questioning what is really going on, then there may be something there especially if it is only the two of them, men usually hang out in groups

Activities online

Online activities such as frequenting porn sites with men on men or transsexuals is a huge red flag. If you choose to ask him about this and he says it was an accident or he was checking it out, but didn't stay long, this is a lie, there is no reason to want to see any kind of gay sites unless he was interested. Does he participate in social networking sites? Some men have profiles just for their secret lifestyles. You can try to check the online history, but he may be one step ahead of you and delete when he is done, check anyway because he may slip up and forget.

Homophobic

Many women have said that their husbands or boyfriends were extremely homophobic. How can he hate gay people when he is having gay sex? Men get angry when they see images of themselves that they hate and also trying to convince others that they are not gay by hating on them aggressively.

Follow his Eyes

When you are out with him, look to see if he is checking other guys, this may not always work because most down-low men can hide their desire for other men. Most curious men will want to see if others are curious by the way they look at each other.

Always out

Is he always out running errands or just busy for hours at a time? He may be out meeting other men in various places. Most men meet in parks and engage in homosexual activities without their wives knowing what's going on. Ask him where he goes, if he brushes you off and ask you why you always want to know what he does, he is hiding something.

Anal Play

This can be tricky, but many women have said these similar things. The men they were with loved to either give anal or receive it. This may be normal and that they just enjoy it with their women, but something to also consider especially if he just wants you to do him anally all the time.

The best detector of all ladies, is our intuition. This tool we have can be a life saver if we choose to listen. Too many women who have been a victim of men on the down low will always tell you the same thing...they never saw it coming. How can something like that happen to anyone? Why would any man do this to his family? Some men may show these signs while others don't so therefore there is no sure way of knowing. If you do find out that you're and is indeed gay, the next actions taken are up to you. Many women choose to stay even after knowing that their guy is leading this secret life because they cannot break up their family and believe that they can either change them or work things out which in some cases have succeeded. Many women leave their men, get divorced, etc. Make sure whatever you do, you get yourself tested to make sure that you are safe. And remember you are not alone, you can find support groups for women who have been in relationships with men who are secretly gay or on the down low.

How to Cope when Your Husband is Gay

You have been married to the love of your life, everything is perfect, you have children, wonderful circle of friends, but something doesn't feel quite right. You search you look and you find something that will change the rest of your life forever. You discovered that your husband is sleeping with other men. After realizing that your whole life has been a lie, what lies in the future? You may feel at that point and time that you cannot simply move past this moment, no need to worry, here are ways you can cope.

First thing to do is get tested. With any case of infidelity, contracting any disease is always an issue. Check to see if you are in good health and take things from there. Making sure you are in good health is the most important thing.

You are not alone. There are many women from all over whom are going through the same ordeal. Thankfully there are some support groups online and off that can help with this sort of ordeal. Many times victims do not turn to family because they are ashamed and do not know how to even begin to tell them how they have been living with someone who is not what they say they are. One the most popular places online is Straight Spouse which can help you find support groups in your area if you are willing to attend and groups online you may want to join and discuss. You can also do a general search and find many places discussing very similar issues involving wives who find out their husbands are having a gay love affair.

You have a choice, you can either stay or leave, that's it. The reason that I say that you can stay is because There are women who choose to stay. But why would someone stay after finding out that they have been cheated on? Love, embarrassment, fear of being alone. You love your husband so much, he is your life and he is all that you know, despite this betrayal, you still love him, and truly believe that you can work this out. You can try to go to counseling and see if there is hope. Therapy has a great way of getting couples to say how they truly feel and help heal each other as a couple and individually.

There are women who chose to accept the fact that their husband is gay and continuing having sex with men. They choose to live separate lives while still living with each other for the sake of children and family. But is this a healthy way of living? Is that fair? The thought of moving forward may not seem like it is even possible, how can you trust someone else again? If you decide to move on, it may take some time to deal with what is going on in your life at the moment, but it is possible. How you choose to cope and decide what to do when your husband is gay is entirely up to you, but remember that you deserve more and time does heal.